HELLO I’M ALIVE

Guys I’ve been silent for a couple of months on this blog, and I really want to blame the baby for it but that would be a lie. I actually haven’t been inspired to write because I’ve been too enraged by all the news about sexual assault/harrassment/abuse.

First – how deep the Weinstein story goes is VERY VERY disturbing. I thought we had heard everything this man was capable of, and then JUST tonight I read the op ed from Salma Hayek and once again, I am disgusted all over again.

I’m going to devote another future blog post about it because I’m mentally not ready to even begin to detail how upsetting and disturbing it is to hear a news story almost every single day (i.e. Kevin Spacey, John Lassiter, Woody Allen, Matt Lauer, Mario Batali, ETC ETC ETC) about abuse of power – but I will say this ONE thing:

It is not the responsibility of the victim to speak up and defend themselves.  That’s why when I read all these stories of women speaking up, all I can think about is how we need more men to be speaking up. We need men to call out OTHER men and say ‘hey, that’s not acceptable.’  Women have the LEAST power but the most to lose by speaking up. Men have the MOST power and the LEAST to lose by speaking up. 

#THATSALLFORNOW

In other news, I’m trying to get back the writing mojo, so I’ve made a pledge to myself to write something for an hour a day. Even if it’s a crappy blog post, I’m still going to write it.

So because I’ve been dormant for so long, I’ve compiled a list of VERY random things that I’ve been reading about below to share:

1. Tiffany Haddish – I haven’t seen the film Girl’s Trip yet (I REALLY want to) but I recently watched this interview with Tiffany Haddish and it’s BEYOND hysterical. I mostly love the fact that she’s starring in a movie but is still using Groupons, but I also love the fact that she took Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith on a swamp tour using Groupon!

2. New couple alert! Chris Martin is apparently dating Dakota Johnson (who stars in 50 Shades of Grey movies).

3. Alex Rodriguez use to date Anne Wojcicki – so it’s no secret that ARod and JLO have been dating. I don’t really know much about him except he’s one of the most successful baseball players that (apparently) has ever lived so he must be $$$$$.  I personally do not find him attractive BUT he’s managed to date a lot of celebrity women including Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Madonna etc. No surprise there that with his wealth he can bag a lot of beautiful celebrity babes.

The thing I found out recently that I was VERY surprised by though, is that ARod use to date: Anne Wojcicki

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Wait who is Anne? Well for starters, Anne isn’t a 20 something pretty young thing, which seemed to be ARod’s MO. She’s actually an adult woman – age 44! She also is CRAZY smart and successful. She use to be married to Sergey Brin (Google founder) and is the founder of 23andMe, a genome company that Dan and I actually have been debating buying a kit from.  Anyone up in the Silicon Valley business knows who Anne is.

Anyways, when I learned that AnneWojcicki was dating ARod I thought HUH?? That really makes no sense to me.  ARod and JLo? That makes sense. Anne Wojcicki and ARod? Nope, zero sense.

And then I read this article with a comment from Anne’s mother that basically said she is not surprised their relationship ended because he was intellectually inferior to her daughter and thought, HA – finally something that DOES make sense!

4. Super into Bush Twins lately – I have no idea why but I recently watched this interview with Chelsea Handler and I’m totally feeling them. Given the state of American affairs right now, it actually really makes me miss the Bush era! Those seem to be simpler days. *Le Sigh*

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AIR MILES YOU’RE DEAD TO ME

I have never been so enraged as I have been with AIR MILES yesterday.

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Let me give you some context first:

My aunt has been battling cancer for the past few years. Only recently has the situation become less and less hopeful, and the situation is now a matter of spending as much time with her as possible and trying to keep her quality of life as high as possible with whatever time we have remaining. The situation is grim but it is what it is.

My cousin is planning a 70th birthday party for her, and I booked a family trip with myself, Dan, Kensi and my parents to all fly in to Newfoundland for a long weekend in mid October to surprise her.

Yesterday my cousin asked if my mom could fly out a week early. She had a trip for her family planned to go to Orlando and she needed some extra help while she was away. Of course my mom would drop everything for her sister.

Enter the absurdity that is AIR MILES:

I call them and tell them the trip on October 13th for my mom needs to be changed to a week earlier. I realize I might need to pay the miles difference and I said that was fine. I also had checked online on their site and it gave me the option to select the same time a week early, so I knew the option was available.  Easy right? NOPE!

Got on a call with them and the person on the phone said she couldn’t do it. UM what? I told her that I saw it’s available when I try to make a new booking online.

OH she explained, we’re only allocated so many spots for “changed bookings” and only so much for “new bookings” and right now because I want to change her ticket to a week earlier, the system says there’s not enough allocation under “change bookings” to do it. If I wanted to get her out a week early, I would have to just buy her a new ticket and eat the cost of the existing one I made. WTF!

So I argued back and forth with her and said because of their technical limitation I’m somehow punished? She suggested because I paid the taxes with my BMO WORLD ELITE AIR MILES Mastercard that I should call the credit card company to see if the cancellation of my mom’s ticket on October 13th can be reimbursed. FINE. FINE I said. I’ll do just that!

I call BMO Mastercard… they make me call Alliance Insurance since it’s an “insurance related” question. AWESOME.

At this point if I tally up how much time I was on the phone with someone waiting or talking to them to explain the situation, it’s clocked almost 2hrs. 

Alliance Insurance said the cancelled ticket could only be reimbursed if it was myself, my spouse and my dependant…so NOT my parents, even though I was the one that purchased the tickets for ALL OF THEM. AWESOME

At this point I was so fed up I gave up. I decided to eat the loss of the AIR MILES and taxes I paid on the ticket for my mom’s Oct 13th flight. But then it just didn’t sit right with me that nothing could be done and that it would go to waste so I thought hey wait a minute, I bought it – and I’m taking Kensi with me who is an infant, why can’t she just take my mom’s seat?

Tons of FB mom groups always talk about when flying with babies the ideal scenario is to buy them their own seat because you can bring their car seat on it and they can sit and chill and be comfortable since they’re already use to being in it.  I didn’t plan on doing this originally because I’m not a rapper and have the disposable income to just buy my baby her own seat, BUT since this scenario presented itself and I was already eating the cost of having to pay for the Oct 13th seat for my mom, I thought I should just give it to Kensi. Sounds easy right? WRONG! NOT ON THEIR WATCH!

I called AIR MILES back again – and explained the scenario and how I didn’t want the ticket I originally paid for my mom to go to waste, so could they just please transfer the name on the ticket to my baby instead.

DENIED! Well no not really, they said in order for me to do that I would have to pay $180.

WTF!

They JUST made me pay for a brand new ticket for my mom because they couldn’t change the existing ticket. Now they want me to PAY $180 MORE so I could let Kensington take my mom’s seat… that I had already paid for !

#$%$##$@$#%$@#$#%!!!

I told the person on the phone how FUCKED UP that was and she recognized the absurdity but couldn’t (or wouldn’t) do anything. I was so frustrated I demanded to speak to a supervisor.

She transfers me over and I ended up hanging up after being put on hold for 30+minutes, even though I’m an ONYX tiered customer which apparently means I get priority sequence in the call centre. NOPE!

So I hang up and try calling in again on the Onyx priority line – I said YO you tried to transfer me so I could speak to a supervisor and I waited for more than half an hour. That’s NOT cool – put me with someone immediately. I get transferred over…and they do it AGAIN!

ANOTHER 30mins on hold. 

OH yeah, I forgot to mention – AIR MILES automated system now makes you talk out loud to specify what your AIR MILES number is, but their system is fucked and half the time they couldn’t hear me SCREAMING my AIR MILES number, which meant I kept having to hang up and call again. Add another 30mins into the mix because their system can’t hear people speak clearly. 

I couldn’t take it anymore, so I hung up and called the Onyx Priority line again. Each time I called this line I only had to wait a few minutes, it was when the losers on the other end tried to transfer me to talk to a “supervisor” that I was waiting until god knows when.

FINALLY by the end of the day – whoever I spoke with (probably the 5th or 6th person now) was able to HEAR ME OUT and do something about it. I explained the situation again, told them how DISGUSTED I was at how absurd their process was, how long I’ve been on the phone for, how they’re making me pay to give a seat to my baby that I had already paid for since my mother could no longer join, and just how generally FUCKED up they were.

And by some miracle – I finally got someone who was a human being on the other end that possessed some degree of empathy and intelligence and said, “Hey you know what? Let me call West Jet and see what they can do. Let me call you back.”

10 minutes later – that person on the phone called me back and said West Jet wants me to keep the infant on my lap BUT because of the situation, they will redeem my miles and taxes that I paid for on that flight my mother could no longer join us for since she was flying in a week early.

BOOM – just like that, 5-6hours later it felt like – finally a resolution THAT MADE SENSE. 

This story is of personal agony for me because I use to work at AIR MILES.  That’s what boils my blood because I use to be the hugest fan and advocate for them. But ya know what?

NO MORE AIR MILES.  YOU’RE DEAD TO ME.  

I believe the below image captures how I feel about AIR MILES and what they did to me yesterday.

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The best/worst part about this story is this morning the situation has escalated even more, and I am scrambling to find my mom a flight to leave days from now, not just 2 weeks from now.

So…. now I need to gather all the strength I can to try to call AIR MILES and talk to SOMEONE who has a brain and a heart to HELP ME get my mom out to Newfoundland in a matter of days WITHOUT punishing me and making me pay for god knows how much and making me sit on the phone arguing/waiting for up to 6hours again.

#LORDGIVEMESTRENGTH

Sidebar: I think the Universe is giving me shit… metaphorically and literally. Not just because of the debacle of AIR MILES yesterday but also this morning, my mom and I discover right in front of our outdoor mat on the back porch, some ANIMAL left a pile of poop and a pile of puke (looks like berries) side by side, right in front of our back door dead centre.

Like if that’s not a message then I don’t know WHAT IS!

 

Thoughts On The New Bachelor

Is anyone else as disappointed by the recent announcement of the new Bachelor as I am?

It’s none other than Arie Luyendyk Jr!

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Wait who? Great question, because exactly – who IS he, because I BARELY could remember who he was.

I had to DIG DEEP to remember who he was because it was THAT long ago. Here’s a recap:

  • He was on Emily Maynard’s season…in 2012! That’s why I could barely remember him! In reality TV life that’s practically a decade ago.  Anyways,  he made it to final 2 but she ended up picking Jef Holm (who he ended up becoming besties with).
  • He is/was a professional race car driver. He also dabbles in real estate as his “winter career” (his words, not mine).
  • He is Dutch and bilingual.
  • He was actually close to becoming the Bachelor 2 years ago. They filmed him in his home town announcing the news to his family apparently but last min, they pulled the plug and gave it to farmboy Chris Soules (who I think ended up accidentally running someone over in a hit & run so… I think ABC should have gone with their original choice maybe).
  • He had a fling with notable Bachelor alum Courtney Robertson. She was the model that Ben Flanjik ended up picking and then their relationship blew up in flames because she’s a total biznatch. She ended up writing a tell all book and even detailed her fling with him, describing their boning session as the best she’s ever had. “Why was it so good you ask? Arie’s incredibly passionate and utilizes his entire body in his lovemaking. And he knows exactly what positions make a woman feel comfortable and satisfied.”

BTW: I don’t trust anyone who uses the term “lovemaking” but that’s just me.

Ok so they picked this random dude that I could barely recollect to be the new Bachelor, and then I do some reality stalking/research and come to find that Arie is a total fuccboi. 

Wait what’s a fuccboi? Great question. This is a recent term I learned from someone at work who I ask all my urban/street slang questions to (there’s one in every office who seems to always be with it).

FUCCBOI – Here’s what we have:

  • It’s first pronounced “f*ck boy” – or if you’re like me, you think it’s actually got a French flair to it and try to pronounce it like “fuque boise” and then get laughed at by a table full of people.
  • The most basic definition is: A manipulating dick who does whatever it takes to benefit him, regardless of who he screws over. They will screw over anyone and everyone as long they get what they want.”
  • There’s a wonderful comprehensive guide you can find here that goes into great detail about all the different types of fuccbois out there. Lets just say I’ve definitely come across my fair share and didn’t realize there was a term for it.

 

So this brings us back to Arie and the mounting evidence he may be a fuccboi:

  1. Reality Steve hates him. If you don’t know Reality Steve, then know this: he knows everything there is about the bachelor franchise and his spoilers are always accurate. He HATES Arie:

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He even posted this excerpt from Courtney’s book where she talks about how he was dating her and another woman at the same time:

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2. Ok so far we have Reality Steve and Courtney his former lover saying he’s a total douche. But what about his best friend Jef Holm? Or possibly EX best friend – because check out what he’s written on Twitter about him:

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3. He had a girlfriend DAYS before being announced as the new Bachelor, at least this is what ET Online tells me. HUH WHAT?! That has FUCCBOI written all over it if you ask me!

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Anyways, as you can tell I’m super disappointed in who they selected to be the new Bachelor…but obviously that won’t stop me from watching the season. But I will end this post with who I WISH they had selected instead. Le sigh.

ABC's "Good Morning America" - 2017

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How Hulk Hogan Broke the Internet

Ok guys – in a quest to be more committed to updating this blog, I went through old drafts of blog posts I would start and then for some reason or another got distracted and never finished.  Below is one I had started last year I think and never got to completing it, but I think it’s worth revisiting to finish.

This is a tale about how Hulk Hogan started a war and took down a media empire (unintentionally).

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I recently had lunch with some coworkers when the topic of Hulk Hogan came up. Mainly my coworker was pointing out that I had trouble saying his name, instead having the tendency to pronounce his name like “Holk” instead of “Hulk.” Sue me – I have a selective accent at times (on account of the fact that I wasn’t born in this country!).

Regardless of how he came up, it led to quite the intense conversation about what’s been transpiring with him lately – which I realized may or may not be a well known story. There’s a lot of confusing parts to this story, so I broke it out into 4 digestible sections.

Part I: Hulk Hogan

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Remember Hulk Hogan? His glory days were mostly in the eighties and nineties as a wrestler on WWF. Not going to lie, I was a fan of him myself when I was a kid and use to watch WWF on the weekends with my brother and dad (Hulk and The Undertaker were my favourites!).

Even after his glory days passed in the 90s he apparently was still  involved in the wrestling world in some weird way, shape or form (participating, hosting, making appearances etc) all the way up to 2014.  He was probably hitting up the appearance circuit hard because homie was living a VERY VERY lavish lifestyle.  In 2008 his estimated network was about $30 million but his continued lifestyle of spending more than he made combined with his divorce meant that in 2011, he admitted that he was practically bankrupt! (btw can someone introduce him to Gail Vax-Oxlade and nominate him to be on the show Princess? I truly think that would make an amazing ep).

Anyways, this brings us up to 2012 when Mr. Hogan was engaging in some very weird and sordid activities.  Essentially he was friends with a shock jock radio host that I guess may be big in the US for a likely niche (possibly hick) market, his name being Bubba Love Sponge.

Essentially Bubba (real name Todd) and his wife were apparently such good friends with Hulk, that Bubba essentially sanctioned and encouraged his wrestler friend and wife to get it on while he hung out in another room. The rumor goes that the radio host actually found out about the affair earlier on and was enraged, so he wanted to plot some way to get back at the wrestler.  Somehow him plotting his revenge equated to encouraging his wife and friend to continue their sexcapades while he pretended he didn’t mind and waited patiently in the other room.

What Bubba was actually doing was secretly filming the sexcapades all go down with the intent to profit off the film. Apparently at the end of the the video you could hear him tell his wife, “If we ever need to retire, here is our ticket!” Eeks – sabotage! And admitted guilt! Also – so gross.

Sidebar to this story: this sex tape also spotlighted Hulk Hogan having (among other things) a racist rant about his daughter dating a rapper. This rant (note, not the sex tape itself but the racist rant featured in the tape specifically) is what led to the quick dismissal from the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) and him vehemently denying he isn’t racist… but then later copping to being a BIT racist and blaming it on his upbringing. ***Bleh – make up your mind Hulk! You’re either a racist or you’re not, you can’t just be a hint. It’s like me saying I was a TAD pregnant.***

So essentially Bubba goes and shops around the video and eventually sells the tape to Gawker, who obviously thinks it’s somehow worth paying for and releasing to the public because hello – it’s Gawker and if it’s salacious and remotely slimey sounding then it MUST be gold. So the tape gets released, and this marks the beginning of the end for Gawker!

 

Part II: What’s a Gawker?

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So Gawker Media is an online company and blog network. It owns a bunch of websites including the notable Gawker.com, but also: Deadspin, Lifehacker.com, Jezebel.com (my personal favourite actually) and a bunch of other ones I’ve never actually heard of.

Each site featured content catered to a different interest group and based on the popularity of people I know who read at least one if not some of their sites, commanded very high readership. Deadspin was all about sports. Gawker focused on celebrities, entertainment and media.  Jezebel was also about celebrities, entertainment and media but featured content from a female or feminist lense. Lastly Lifehacker was a site dedicated to software and life hacks – essentially general tips for living I guess a more efficient life.

I’m a pretty avid reader of Jezebel and I’m not going to lie I’ve definitely read at least a handful of Gawker articles because hello – celebrity, entertainment and media! It’s definitely been a source of information in the past for me.  So that’s why I was actually surprised that I was so unaware of the battle that Gawker has been having with Peter Thiel.  Specifically, the battle that the creator of Gawker – Nick Denton has had with the Silicon titan.

According to wiki, Nick Denton is a “British Internet entrepreneur” – founder and proprietor of Gawker Media and the managing editor of Gawker.com.

Roughly nine years ago, Gawker published this little itty bitty article here that essentially outed Peter Thiel as being gay.  It wasn’t a long article nor was it particularly remarkable. Also – the person who wrote the article wasn’t even Nick Denton himself, but one of his editors – Owen Thomas.  But apparently it was Nick Denton’s response to the article and his sanctioning of the article to get published that really grinded Thiel’s gears.

You can see in the comments section that Denton fired a response back to Owen Thomas elaborating on his theories:

Not such an odd match. Boyfriend is, or was, earlier this year, a guy called Matt, working in finance, in New York. The only thing that’s strange about Thiel’s sexuality: why on earth was he so paranoid about its discovery for so long?

If Silicon Valley is the bastion of tolerance it likes to believe, and if the tech industry cares only about money, it’s surprising that Thiel would have kept his personal life a secret from journalists and his closest colleagues, for so long. He was so paranoid that, when I was looking into the story, a year ago, I got a series of messages relaying the destruction that would rain down on me, and various innocent civilians caught in the crossfire, if a story ever ran.

So, why the paranoia? Thiel has many conservative friends, some of them socially conservative, not simply libertarian. So maybe he’s been worried about ostracism by then. Another possible explanation: his friends claim that investors in his fund, some from the Middle East, might not be as tolerant as Bay Area locals. It’s equally plausible that Thiel is just trying to keep his personal life from a religious family. The one explanation that nobody in the tech industry wants to hear: the Castro may be a few miles up the 280 highway, but the Valley is, in social makeup, a world away.

 

Essentially, this article featured in Gawker is what began Thiel’s quest to take down Denton and subsequently Gawker Media – a quest that would take almost A DECADE to complete! But when you have a boat load of money – you can afford to wait it out I guess 😐

Part III: Peter Thiel – who dis guy?

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Ok at this point everyone and their mom has heard about Peter Thiel like he’s some sort of folklore mystical unicorn.  Here are some fast facts:

He is a mega rich Silicon Valley titan – making most of his major money and success by co founding Paypal. He was also the first outside investor of Facebook so… we all know how well that turned out. Suffice it to say – MEGA RICHNESS.

Well connected – allegedly him and all his rich venture capitalist friends, mostly from Paypal days who have now spun off to do their own mega rich things are all super tight – which has led to their circle being dubbed the Paypal Mafia. Elon Musk is a notable member of this club. These tech bros have each other’s backs.

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He is patient. How do I know this? Well, because the Gawker article was released in 2007 and it motivated him to spend almost the next decade of his life to quietly and secretly fund several lawsuits against Gawker. Finally in May 2016 he admitted to this – and confirmed he had spent more than $10 million dollars funding various lawsuits against Gawker.

The last part is the most important tie to the Hulk Hogan – Gawker – Thiel story because allegedly, without Thiel’s involvement the story would have easily died. At the time when Hogan was suing Gawker for releasing the video, he was pretty much bankrupt. He was easily willing to settle the lawsuit with the promise of several million dollars – and that would have been the end of the story. THE END!

But wait – no not the actual end, because Thiel being some super patient sociopath who was waiting in the corner for years to find his opportunity finally saw it.  When he realized that Hulk Hogan was suing Gawker and would likely settle, he decided to SECRETLY FUND his lawsuit agains the media empire.

And guess what? Obviously when you have BILLIONS OF DOLLARS that you can afford to casually toss tens of millions of dollars without blinking an eye, you can pretty much destroy the world if you wanted to – and use Hulk Hogan as a pawn to do so!

Part IV: THE END of the story (FINALLY! sorta)

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And that leads us to how Hulk Hogan WON the lawsuit against Gawker – a lawsuit worth $140 million dollars.  The $140 million dollar court decision was essentially the guillotine that ended the head of Gawker – metaphorically and literally.  Nick Denton had to shut down Gawker and pretty much all of his subsidiaries and file for bankruptcy in order to pay for the court decision. This meant that everyone working under those companies that Gawker owned were left out to dry.

This is what bums me out about the whole entire story. It’s not that Hulk Hogan is a total piece of garbage. It’s not that Nick Denton is also known to be a total slime ball in the journalism industry (it’s nobody’s right to out someone’s sexuality btw). It’s not even the part about Peter Thiel who seems like a total sociopath, but even worst because he’s a SMART one that has billions of dollars.

No, the part that upsets me the most about all of this is the people who got let go from their jobs! These innocent people had NOTHING to do with the stupid sex tape Hulk Hogan made, nor did they have anything to do with the obsession that Peter Thiel had with ending Nick Denton’s career.  But poof! Just like that – their roles and jobs were ended because of some VERY bizarre string of events that involved a glorified 80s wrestler and a man named Bubba no less.

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So that’s it – that’s the end of my bedtime story, and finally after a year I’m glad I can finally move this draft to publish state.

To end – here is another picture of Peter Thiel. Is it just me or does he totally look like a sociopath?  Maybe it’s just me, but those eyes look like they’ve executed a few people. Maybe he and Tom Cruise should start a club or something.

Peter-Thiel

Jamie Foxx + Katie Holmes (and crazy Tom)

Ok guys – I’ve stayed dormant way too long being wrapped up in adulting (btw it’s effing exhausting) so now it’s time to get back to business.

Earlier today I had 2 people randomly tell me how much they miss reading my updates (thanks Courtney + Mariana!) so it really lit the fire in me to start writing again. I spent an hour this afternoon writing a blog post about tips for surviving motherhood and how I’ve quasi reclaimed my life back. Essentially I was framing it as a letter to myself – things I wish I had known 6 months ago that have made the world of difference to me. I had this about 75% written and then my friend Zaza randomly texted me and asked me whether Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx were dating and then I instantly thought of the emoji of the girl slapping her hand to her forehead and thought OH boy, this is actually way more important – so let me educate for those not in the know.

Yes – Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes are dating. They’ve been dating secretly but not so secretly for THE PAST FOUR YEARS. They are essentially considered Hollywood’s worst kept secret.

What the what the – if you didn’t know they were dating and this is completely shocking information to you, then you might be wondering WHY ALL THE SECRECY?

Three words: CRAZY TOM CRUISE

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Once upon a time, Tom Cruise was considered Hollywood’s prince charming. The man could do no wrong. The public thought he was some perfect golden boy – hell Oprah thought he was this amazing, great looking, humble pie A lister.

But of course – nobody works THAT hard to portray perfection without hiding something super sinister underneath, and that’s when we started to see the thread that is the Tom Cruise PR machine unravelling.

First – Tom Cruise fired his LONG TIME publicist, one he’s had for FOURTEEN years. Read more about it here in this Vanity Fair article including some interesting tidbits about the man, like how he attended her daughter’s wedding and then bought EVERYTHING on the registry list for her (that’s actually pretty damn cool).

Anyways, he fired her (even though his career skyrocketed under their partnership) and then hired his sister to do his PR… his sister who is a devout Scientologist. Soon after – everything crumbled. That’s when we got the Tom Cruise who seemed crazy in love with Katie Holmes and went on Oprah to jump on a couch.  He was everywhere being super obnoxiously in love that it made people uncomfortable.

That’s also the era when his seemingly perfect public persona started cracking and it was revealed how crazy of a Scientologist he is, essentially the best friend of the sadistic leader David Miscavige.  Apparently according to Leah Remini, Tom Cruise is like the second most high ranking person in the Scientology organization because of how close he is to the leader. Ya know what that means? It means he’s BAT SHIT CRAZY and no amount of PR magic was going to be able to cover that up forever.

Why do you think that Katie Holmes had to divorce him so stealthily? She legit was a ninja and was planning her divorce from TC for MONTHS, with the help of her father (a lawyer) and using BURNER PHONES because everything else she had was tracked and monitored by him and his Scientology cronies.

She clearly had SO MUCH dirt on him that he settled the divorce within DAYS and allowed her to have full custody of Suri. BUT and this is a big BUT, how did she convince him to settle the divorce so quickly and allow her full custody of their daughter? Well – she pretty much had to sell her soul to him… for five years.

APPARENTLY one of the stipulations he enforced was that she couldn’t talk about him AT ALL in any public setting and that she also wasn’t allowed to publicly date ANYONE for five years post their official divorce, in fear of tarnishing his reputation.

Yes that’s right folks, Katie Holmes couldn’t publicly date anyone because Tom Cruise was afraid of how it would make HIS brand look.  Let me just interject here by saying sir: no matter WHO Katie Holmes dates, nobody and nothing could make you look sane. YOU CRAY. You VERY VERY VERY cray.

Anyways, I digress.

Back to Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes. Rumor has it they started seeing each other at least a year after Katie Holmes officially divorced Tom Cruise, and have been seeing each other on and off for years but more seriously in the recent years… leading up to the 5 year anniversary mark where they could LEGIT GO PUBLIC.

Now we start seeing random articles pop up here and there with photos of them together, like this one here of them strolling on the beach together holding hands.

So in summary – instead of writing this long and well thought out post I had almost finished about tips I’ve learned that helped me survive being a mother for the past 7 months, instead I just spent the last 30 minutes rapidly typing about how crazy Tom Cruise is and how Katie Holmes can finally be free to proclaim her love for Jamie Foxx.

But seriously – Tom Cruise scares the shit out of me. He has this almost convincing boy next door smile but I just feel like when I look into his eyes, I see that he’s probably orchestrated a few (or several) murders without blinking an eye. But also – how many more Mission Impossible films can you do? It’s over. Nobody wants to watch any more Mission Impossibles.

tom-cruise-evil

Ok THATS ALL.

More importantly though, should I go back to finishing that article I wrote about tips on how I survived keeping a human alive for the past 7 months? Or blow it off and write more nonsense. Please let me know.

 

 

ADULTING DOESN’T FEEL GOOD (IT FEELS BROKE)

When it rains, it pours. This is one of those cheesy sayings that you might hear a lot, but there is definitely a reason why it’s overused… because it’s TRUE!

To say this month has been beyond frustrating for me is an understatement. Is this what being an adult is all about? Because if it is – PASS!

ONE: Leak in our cold room. This is super super frustrating because if anyone who has a basement knows, a LEAK could potentially mean FLOOD so you really have to nip any leaks in the bud immediately. When we discovered our cold room was leaking water we thought OH SHIT, we need to act fast.

Fast forward to calling several places to get quotes, only to find out a lot of people are currently having flooding or basement leaking issues at the moment — so nobody could see us immediately to assess the situation.

After having 3 companies come by, we finally narrowed it down and they were scheduled to come waterproof the exterior of our house where they suspected the source of the leak was coming from.

This is when things got more depressing, because the situation was more serious than we originally thought.  Without getting into gory home ownership details, turns out we would need to add a sump pump to the front of our house in addition to the exterior water proofing we were doing which meant… things would cost TWICE as much as what we originally planned. BOOOOOO

This meant that all last week – Kensi and I were subjected to being trapped inside the house listening to drilling and hammering as they did exterior and interior work to fix the leak.

I will give it to Kensi – she was still able to take her daytime naps despite all the ruckus and didn’t let any of the outrageous noise get to her (unlike her mom haha).

 

TWO: OUR FRIDGE 

OMG if anyone follows me on facebook, you’ll know I’ve been dealing with fridge drama for the past week and a half.

At first our fridge seemed like it was super hot (burning hot), so we had a repairman come in to put a new fan in.

Then a few days later the fridge side stops being cold. Freezer side is fine, fridge side is barely below room temperature. Le sigh

Repairman comes again – can’t figure out what the issue is because all other parts seem fine so he says it’s probably ice blockage that’s not visible causing issues with the air flow from freezer to fridge. So he said defrost the entire fridge and that should take care of the issue.

NOPE! We moved all our food out of our fridge and stored it at our neighbour’s for two days so the fridge could defrost but that did not solve the issue. Fridge side still does not cool!

Repairman comes BACK again and thinks he fixes it. By this time, I had already called several appliance stores, done a bunch of research on fridges, and decided which one we would need to get if we couldn’t fix our fridge.

This whole time I’m going through this fridge drama, I felt like I was saying goodbye to a friend who was slowly dying. At first the doctor kept coming and suggesting this drug and this medication and every time he came, we would be hopeful my dear fridge friend could recover. But then finally by the last time the repairman came I made up my mind – this is the last time and we’re just delaying the inevitable. It’s time to pull the plug!

Sidenote: thank you to everyone who messaged me to check in and send their concerns and condolences. Your love and support during this difficult time has been tremendously uplifting and truly gives me the strength to continue.

So alas – today I went back to the appliance store and put down a deposit on a new fridge.

For anyone who has never had to buy a fridge, here’s a newsflash: FRIDGES ARE EXPENSIVE (adult lesson I hope no one has to personally experience).

And of COURSE the fridge we require is not a normal sized fridge. This is our existing fridge below (the person we bought the house from must have been a giant). I don’t even want to discuss how much replacing it costs, but lets just say that I will not be buying my dream car this year (i.e. a used Honda Civic).

 

THREE: WORK RECONCILLIATION

The cherry on top of my cake is that I find out that work was erroneously paying me for almost 2.5 months (because when you’re on mat leave you’re not paying close attention to this) and so… I have to give back a TON of $$$$$. Like a TON! (Like TWO FRIDGES worth…is this what my life has come to now? Measuring things based on fridges?!)

Now I know what people are going to say: Hello, didn’t you notice that you were being paid when you weren’t supposed to?

The answer? No! I didn’t! Because I wasn’t watching and monitoring my bank account like a hawk every second of the day. And I also didn’t have the time and energy to flag to work and be like “hey, checking in – wanted to make sure you STOPPED paying me,” because hello – I assumed they would just KNOW since I made sure to file everything properly in the system before I left!

Anyways, they were super apologetic and even said they would devise a payback plan that would make whatever sense it needed for me since it was such a chunk of cheddar but I said no, ✋🏽 I don’t want your blood money.

Please take this money away because it’s clearly cursed.
So suffice it to say – August has been ROUGH.

BUT and this is a very giant BUTTTTT, even though there’s been a ton of frustrating things that have happened, there are a lot of things I have to still be grateful for.

It’s really easy for me to be rattled and fixate on the negative, so I’m trying really hard to remind myself everyday about all the positive things that have happened as well so that I can retrain my mind to focus on the positive rather than the negative.

And once I started doing this, I realized it’s definitely getting easier and easier to construct a full list of happy things that have also happened this month as well:

Kensi is happy and healthy. No matter what happens with this house, as long as Kensi is happy and healthy then I have to count my blessings. 


I found a baseball cap that looks decent on me 🙂 HUGE. HUGE. Literally the only baseball cap I’ve ever found in 32 years that looks decent on my head.

Frankly has figured out that when Kensi goes down for naps and for the night, she can have 100% of my snuggle attention.  I have figured out that one of the best ways to destress is to pet Frankly in a mindful focused way.

I might get some money back from the city for the sump pump! The person we bought the house from never applied for the subsidy which means we can. So here’s the pic of Kensi and I walking to drop the subsidy form in the mail 🙂

Also: even though this fridge situation is super shitty it could still be worst. The freezer side still works which is the most important thing for us because it’s housing all the frozen breast milk I’m banking! As long as the freezer continues to be OK, I think we can manage for a few weeks until the new fridge comes.

My morning walks with my squad. Every morning after Kensi eats and my mom and I have breakfast, we bundle everyone up and take Frankly for a walk to the park and back. It feels amazing to just walk and enjoy the breeze without having to feel rushed to get somewhere.


Going out for dinner with friends like actual humans. Since K has been going to bed consistently by 7 these days for the night, Dan and I have been able to make plans to go out for dinner!

Here we are trying out Barque for the first time… so much meat! This one is called the “meet meats platter” and it did not disappoint! SO MUCH MEATZ!

Last night Dan was out for dinner late downtown. When I found out where he was I said please swing by Momofuku to get me some ramen! So please see below for my 11pm snack last night 😃


In conclusion, adulting is hard (and expensive) but it can also be happy and delicious.

But seriously, August you’re drunk – please go home.  I need Sept and Fall to get here faster because that has historically always been my season to shine.

✌🏼

The Great Underpants Debate

Yesterday I was going through my underpants inventory and realized I was running low.

Pre-baby life, I was always replenishing my underwear supply but obviously since baby K entered my life – shopping for the essentials like new underpants clearly rang very low on my priority list.

So yesterday after putting K to bed at 7, I proposed to Dan that we go to the mall so that I could FINALLY get some new underpants.

Here is how my life has changed since becoming a mom:

BEFORE the baby came, I would have marched into Victoria Secret and snatched up their seamless ones (that are typically on sale for 7 for $35!)

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the store yesterday and it was 5 for $35. HOLD UP! Instead of $5 for a pair they’re now charging me $7? Nope. I’m a MOM, I need to be more frugal.

AFTER the baby:  I marched my way over to Aerie/American Eagle – which had a 10 for $35 deal. THAT’S BETTER! I have no shame, I’m a MOM now, I need to find the best price per undergarment deal. So I rummaged through their pile to pick out 10, and then headed over to the cash desk.

That’s when I felt only SLIGHTLY bad for the 40 something year old man who was the only person at the cash register, who had to gingerly pick up and scan each pair of underpants one by one.  You would think I would have felt super embarrassed… but nope, I have no shame! I needed my discount undies. And what did he expect would happen when he was going to work at a store like Aerie/AE frequented by teenagers…or grown ups desperately clinging to their youth.

Afterwards I reunited with Dan who was waiting outside doing work emails. He asked if I finally got the underpants I needed.  I said YUP! And then I said, “GUESS HOW MUCH I SPENT ON THEM.”

But before he could even say anything I blurted out “$35!… FOR 10 PAIRS!”

That’s when he stopped walking.

Rewind: a week ago I replenished HIS underpants supply and bought him a 3 pack of CK ones for $25. When I gave them to him I complained that I thought the sale was phony because they still seemed expensive to me. He was confused because he thought they were a great price.

Fast forward to the mall again: he stopped walking and looked at me. “You bought TEN pairs of underpants… for $35?! That’s… ABSURD.”

“SEE,” I said, “That’s why I think YOURS are so expensive, these are the price per unit that I’m use to!”

So now there is a debate within our household on what is a reasonable price for underpants. Like if I think about men’s underpants, would they constitute the equivalent material of 2 or 3 pairs of mine? And if yes, then would that mean whatever price I pay for mine I should expect to double or triple for his? And if that’s the case, then would 3 for $25 actually be the same as my 10 for $35?

Le sigh.

These are the things that I think about now that I’m on mat leave and I have an abundance of time to fixate on life’s trivial matters 😂