POOR KOKO — it's hung.

I’ve received a lot of messages this past month inquiring about the recent news of Khloe Kardashian - so I thought I would break it down for you and really dissect the situation.

The issue:

Khloe Kardashian was DAYS away from giving birth (she’s since had the baby) when media news outlets leaked extensive video clips of her baby daddy pro-basketballer Tristan Thompson making out with ladies months ago. EEKS

Why people care:

Well the obvious - the Kardashian name. People are very interested in anything Kardashian related since they’ve sold their blood, sweat and tears for the camera. But beyond that, I think people specifically care more about Khloe Kardashian because of all the stuff she’s gone through, as witnessed on the countless seasons of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. They’ve been on TV airing their lives for the past 10 years, and I’ve (proudly) seen every season, so I’m invested… and so are a lot of other people!

Khloe’s love story chapter 1: The Backstory

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Khloe was previously married to Lamar Odom (another basketball player). They got married after a MONTH of dating in 2009. I was really rooting for these two, and not just because she lovingly called him “Lam Lam” which I thought was adorable. I’ll always remember that one episode where Khloe wanted to do something “special” for Lam Lam so what does one get for the special someone in their life? Well a sex swing of course!

You would think that someone with fame + money would hire an EXPERT to install the swing for them properly but noooo, homegirl Khloe was too embarrassed to ask for help so she tried to install it herself! But then DUH, in her words exactly “I’m not a handyman,” so of course before Khloe and Lam Lam get the party started, it crashes...with Khloe in it! OH Khloe - you so silly!

Anyways - around 2012/2013 reports in the media start circulating about Lam Lam’s issues with drinking, drugs, DUIs, partying, etc. Rumours of infidelity begin to heavily circulate. I for one am a firm believer that when there’s smoke, there’s fire! Lo and behold at the end of 2013 after MUCH speculation, Khloe files for divorce and legal restoration of her last name. No more Khloe Odom!

Finalizing the divorce seemed to take some time, and by the end of 2015 Lam Lam is back in the news again. Apparently he was found unconscious in a brothel in Nevada (classy), and later we find out he was doing so much coke that his organs were shutting down and he fell into a coma and had to be put on life support! In the aftermath of all this, Khloe or as I now like to refer her as Saint Khloe from this situation, halted the divorce process so she could take control and make medical decisions on his behalf.

Lets pause for a second about this: You are divorcing your husband who you love but are devastated by because of all his issues (drinking, drugs, depression, infidelity, etc). Then you find out he is found unconscious in a BROTHEL (so so gross) and falls into a coma. You stop the divorce process so you can take control of making his medical decisions. You then help him recover after waking up from his coma and also with his rehabilitation which begins to return him back to a (somewhat) normal, physically functioning human again. Apparently he suffered so much brain damage, it was a miracle that he was even alive. Dude - get Khloe a damn medal for acts of bravery!

Alas, once it seemed like Lam Lam was on the road to full recovery, she finally had her divorce finalized by the end of 2016. YAY!

Wowza, Can you imagine from 2009 - 2016 having your life completely sucked up and blown up by one person?! And after ALL of that, your reward is a DIVORCE! Damn that’s cold. Ice cold.

Khloe’s Love Story Chapter 2: Today(ish)

So fast forward to 2017 when Khloe starts dating ANOTHER basketball player, Tristan Thompson. I had zero clue who this person was except that he was a pro-athelete (and we all know how faithful pro athletes are!). I stopped following Khloe because after her whole Lam Lam ordeal for almost a decade, she needed a bit of a breather. That’s why I was pleasantly surprised and happy to hear earlier this year that she was expecting a baby with her new boyfriend.

It’s of particular significance because on KUWTK it was long documented that Khloe was having fertility issues. She desperately wanted a baby with Lam Lam but they could never successfully conceive a child, they even went through IVF treatments but were unsuccessful. In retrospect, it definitely seems like a blessing in disguise that she never ended up procreating with him...just saying!

Anyways - that’s why it was horrifying to hear that DAYS BEFORE giving birth to their baby, videos are leaked of Tristan Thompson making out and macking out with ladies as recent as a month earlier. And apparently this pattern has been happening LONG BEFORE she was pregnant with his child… and continued throughout her pregnancy it seems.

SO WHERE WE AT NOW?

Well since the story/videos of Tristan leaked - allegedly Koko was so devastated she wanted to race home to LA to give birth and, I dunno, be surrounded by loved ones and not a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. But it was no bueno because when you’re days away from giving birth, no doctor or pilot for that matter will let you board a plane.

God could you imagine? You find out that your baby daddy has been cheating on you for possibly your whole relationship, you’re about to POP and give birth to his baby, and now you’re forced to stay in Cleveland to do it. THE WORST!

So Koko ended up delivering her baby girl on April 12th, 2018 and she allowed Tristan to be present to witness the birth. Not only that, but she allowed their baby girl to take his last name Thompson.

Wowza, I mean I thought that Khloe displayed incredible strength and restraint during the whole Lam Lam debacle but this one takes the cake in terms of suffering immeasurable self conflict. I guess she was looking out for the future of her baby daughter by letting the baby daddy be present at the birth and take his name… but damn, not going to lie - if it were me I would not have the strength to have come to either of those decisions.

So now since giving birth to their daughter which she’s named True Thompson (a nod to her grandfather’s first name and her father’s middle name), she’s apparently recovering well, super in love with the baby, and she’s trying to “work things out” with Mr. Thompson.

OH BOY. SO MANY THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS

Now that we’re relatively caught up with Koko’s unlucky in love story (past and present) and as she enters her new chapter into motherhood, I have many many questions about the sitch. Off the top of my head:

1. Girl why did you give your baby his last name only? Sure I get honouring/including part of his name since she IS his child… but why didn’t you also include yours? Her first name is pretty short so you could have made it True Kardashian Thompson. I personally think it’s a shame to lose the legacy of your last name to some dated and patriotic naming convention. And lets be honest, this baby girl is probably not going to be living her life reaping the benefits of the Thompson last name...just saying.

2. What shortened nickname goes with True? T? Or Choo-choo because no young kid can easily pronounce the ‘r’ in True? True as a first name seems very noble and heroic don’t get me wrong… but it also screams elderly to me too. *shrugs*

3. Didn’t you get the memo? Pro-athletes are cheaters. We’ve seen it time and time again. Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods, I dunno - every pro basketball player out there. When you’re in a profession where thots are throwing themselves at you left, right and center, there leaves very little room for the concept of monogamy. That’s all fine and dandy but then don’t front like you’re in a monogamous relationship. If you want to be with a bevy of beauties then go be with them! But then don’t act like you’re in a committed monogamous relationship about to start a family with your girlfriend!

4. Can you really move forward with your relationship after this? In the sense that you can “make it work” by continuing to have a romantic relationship with Mr. Thompson? I get that he’s your baby’s daddy and will now always be in your life/your child’s life. But are we actually going to entertain the idea of a reconciliation with your relationship? This man has been cheating on you for what seems to be the entire course of your relationship, and continued to just a month shy of you delivering your baby! Do you really think it’s realistic to recover and reconcile the relationship?

*someone please hand Khloe a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a copy of How Stella Got Her Groove Back*

Ok so far that's all I've got but I'm sending my prayers, thoughts and strength for Koko to wake up and realize she's an INDEPENDENT WOMAN! She does not need a (basket)baller stepping out on her!

*MIC DROP*

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