KEEP CALM + CORONA ON
UMMMM WTF… The last time I updated this blog was last summer in July when we were deep in the midst of trying to potty train Kensi. I’ll never forget it because I was deeply deeply traumatized by the daily assault of having to clean feces off the floor. Now I’m ACHING to go back to that time period when life felt so safe… and certain. FECES FELT SAFE. This is how much has changed.
Fast forward to now and NOTHING feels certain. Earlier this year we only heard whispers of a virus that was devastating China. But obviously us in our North American high castles didn’t really think anything of it. A month later in February I went on an unforgettable family cruise in the Caribbean. By then coronavirus was a concern but as long as nobody went near or visited China then we were all fine! Right? WRONG.
Fast forward a few weeks later… WEEKS, and we’re hearing more and more alarming news and statistics. Now it feels like our whole nation is on lockdown. We’re self isolating at home. Schools are closed indefinitely. Businesses are shut down (possibly bankrupt). Our healthcare system is hanging on by a thread. The global economy has plummeted. People’s lives are forever changed.
This is happening and changing minute by minute and it’s SCARY AS FUCK.
The past week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Ever since we were all sent home to “work from home” (which newsflash, doesn’t really happen if you have kids at home too) I’ve been trying to:
Work
Stay calm
Keep a toddler busy and happy
Cook
Clean
Self isolate
Not pay attention to the news
Lets just say that I did all of the above things unsuccessfully.
Instead I got really sick from symptoms of a mild flu, was pretty much crying on and off almost everyday, or fighting off massive panic and anxiety attacks. This week was DARK. Very very dark.
Yesterday I said goodbye to my mom and sent her back home to Hamilton with my dad. Typically she would come back on Sundays and go back to Hamilton on Fridays. She is the backbone of our house but the thought of her going back and forth every weekend seemed to be too risky for both of our families right now, especially because both Kensi and I are recovering from sickness. I cried all night when I realized that was the right decision. We are hopeful we’ll see her in a few weeks if the situation improves, but part of me knows that I have to mentally prepare and accept that I won’t see either of my parents in person for months and that’s IF they’re able to stay healthy throughout this pandemic. Of course the worst outcome has crossed my mind all week as I’m sure everyone else who has aging parents has thought about it as well.
While so much has changed for the worst, there’s a lot of things that also seems to be happening and these are the things that I wanted to focus on and write down in this post so that I can remind myself of it over and over again if we ever wake up from this pandemic nightmare.
I'm feeling deeper, caring deeper, holding Dan and Kensi closer and tighter, breathing deeper, reflecting harder, crying more out of sadness and also out of gratitude. I feel deeply deeply changed by this pandemic (and will continue to do so) and I hope for the love of god everyone else is changed by it as well.
As days turn into weeks and likely months, I have no idea what is going to happen but I know that I just keep repeating this to myself almost every hour of the day:
I HAVE EVERYTHING THAT I NEED RIGHT NOW
Nothing is guaranteed and certain, this was true before the virus and it still holds true post the virus no matter what happens. All we can do is our part which is to stay the fuck home and only go out for essential items and services right now. Wash your hands thoroughly and often and for the love of god continue to practice social distancing. This means don’t go running errands every single day of the week. Don’t visit friends. Don’t have playdates. You can go outside for walks but stay a safe distance away from everyone… but otherwise JUST STAY AT HOME.
My commitment during this period in time is to write more because that was a promise I made to myself over and over again that I kept breaking to myself.
Another commitment I have is to connect meaningfully and to laugh more. So with every new post I make, I’ll end it with a spotlight of someone that I wanted to shoot love to and share a funny memory or anecdote of. Note this person might not even be someone that I know personally or really well, but someone that’s just been on my mind that I wanted to radiate some good energy to.
So I’ll end this post by dedicating it to Liza Haddid, who recently had to postpone her wedding because of this pandemic. If she’s reading this, I want her to know that these are some of my favourite memories about her:
Our trip to Kenya together - we shared a tent and she would check my bed every night for bugs and then tuck me in and calm my anxiety that there were no bugs in the tent.
When we were in Nairobi together and our host Derek who was driving us got stopped by armed guards with rifles and left us in the car alone for a few minutes…and I turned to her and said well, I guess we’re going to die tonight.
When I couldn’t figure out how to log into my Spotify account and she kept having to show me how to do it… and then finally she drove over one night and reset the password on the BACKEND only to realize that I put in the incorrect email address… and then almost killed me because of my stupidity.
Her promise to help me make Mama Hung’s Cookbook and how passionate she is about the idea.
Her love for all movies made by Tyler Perry
And finally, her taste in men and how polar opposite they are from mine. Her top 2 crushes are The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) and Zac Effron. These two are no joke my BOTTOM 2, which use to produce REALLY heated debates between us. Now we’ve grown up and our heated debates consist of her hatred of Ross (from Friends) while I’ll defend until I run out of breath that I think he is one of the funniest characters.
If I ever get to see Liza in person again, one of the first things I’ll want to do is make garlic chili oil together from scratch and eat Nutella Portuguese egg tarts together.